Confidence and humility are admirable traits; however, they both need to be present for a person to be the best version of themselves. A person who is confident and humble exhibits the following mindset and behavior:

1. They don’t compare themselves to others.  A person who is humble but lacking in confidence is likely to attempt to habitually please others because they are constantly seeking approval from others.  However, the confident and humble person does not need to compare or attempt to keep up with others because they are self-assured. This type of person does not need other people to affirm them or build them up. A client of mine who is growing in confident humility shared with me about her experience having lunch with a friend who spent most of their time together telling her about his many accomplishments. He talked about his many professional successes, his amazing personal life and his relationships, Everything was wonderful and seemingly perfect in his life. When he finally said, “Tell me what’s going on with you,” she was tempted to match him and boast of the successes that she had experienced, because things were indeed going well for her. However, she thought, “I’m going to be confident in myself and who I am. I’m going to be humble. I’m not going to feel the need to match him and talk about all the great things that are going on with me.”  She spoke of a few achievements but also shared some of her challenges. Although it seemed natural to match his boasting. Afterwards she shared with me, “I really felt good on the inside because I felt secure in who I was, and I didn’t need affirmation from him.”

2.  They admit their weaknesses. Admitting challenges is difficult for a lot of people; Many young professionals share with me that they hesitate voicing when they don’t understand something at work, or whenever they have failed or dropped the ball. Being able to admit weakness takes courage, and ironically, is a sign of confidence. This area used to be a challenge for me personally. It took me years to admit my challenges and weaknesses at the risk of being judged. However, I learned that when you feel secure about who you are and you can honestly admit your weaknesses and challenges, it is an attractive balance of confidence and humility.

3. They voice what they believe while being open to differing opinions and ideas. Confident people speak up, and humble people seek feedback and genuinely listen to others’ opinions.  When speaking and listening is utilized together, it is a sign that someone is humble while also confident. Bob Sutton, author of Good Boss Bad Boss writes, “Speak like you are right and listen like you or wrong.”  Once you understand that others’ views and opinions do not negate yours even if they differ, others will feel valued, and you will broaden your own perspective.