When you are leading or communicating, you may fear being direct because you will come across as rude. Or perhaps you have been accused of being rude when you are merely being direct with others. Although they can occur together, directness is different than rudeness.
When you are direct with someone, you are specific. Specific in what you say or ask rather than being vague or dropping hints and hoping that the other person understands what you mean. While being specific, you are outwardly showing you respect the other person through your
facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and words you use.
Directness has nothing to do with rudeness. Being rude is when you show that you do not respect the other person. Your disrespect shows through your body language, passive aggressive facial expressions, tone of voice and the words you use. You can be rude by being direct or indirect.
How to be direct without being rude:
- Express a positive outcome for both of you: When you’re direct, you want something—either you want to make a point or you want your request to be granted or get what you want, AND you want the best for the other person—in other words, it’s a win-win, not where you win and the other person loses.
- Use the word “I” rather than “You”: Don’t blame the other person: For instance, saying, “I found some errors on your report” is direct. Saying, “you made some errors on your report” can be received as rude, as it causes the other person to feel bad about themselves.
- Treat the other person with kindness after you have been direct: When you do this, it exhibits that you are being direct with the situation rather than attacking the other person personally.
If you tend to soften your words for fear of being rude, others may not take you seriously or they may be confused as to what you want. It is important to respect the person enough to be direct without being rude.
If you err on the side of not being direct because you fear being rude, reflect on the words you are using. If you are so “soft” that the other person does not take you seriously or does not understand what you want because you are being vague, you have no one to blame but yourself.
A good measuring stick is that if you fear by being direct you will be seen as rude, then you’re not going to be rude, because your intent is pure.
