Disagreements are never enjoyable, and at times you and/or the other person can get emotional as a result. But it’s good to back up and ask yourself: is this disrespect or merely a disagreement?
Here are five ways to know the difference between a disagreement and disrespect:
- A two-way conversation: During disagreements, both personscontinue having a conversation. Each person shares their thoughts or opinions, and then actively listens to what the other person has to say without interrupting and without expressing negative emotions. Each person shows they value what the other has to say giving the person their full attention. Disrespect is when one person stops the two-way conversation, and they are the only one talking; or when one person shuts down and stops talking.
- Valuing the other’s opinions: During disagreements, each person considers the other’s opinion different than theirs, but also of equal value. With disrespect, however, one or both persons consider their opinions and belief as less valuable than the other person’s.
- Shared perspectives/beliefs: With disagreement, it is important that each person state that they are sharing their opinion or perspective or belief rather than fact. The reason why is if the other person is disagreeing, they see the “facts” as different. Disrespect is when one person states their side as fact, disregarding the other person’s view of the facts.
- Assessing Body Language: During disagreements, each person maintains neutral body language. They make sure to show through non-verbal communication that they are listening and engaged with the other person. When disrespect is present, someone may roll their eyes, avoid eye contact, turn their body away from the other person, stare at their phone or cross their arms in defiance.
- Treatment of Each Other Afterwards: After disagreements, each person should continue to treat the other kindly. They respect each other as a person despite the disagreement. However, when disrespect is present, people treat each other negatively afterwards. This can include avoidance of the other person, holding a grudge or speaking to them in a harsh or sarcastic tone of voice.
We are going to have disagreements in life about all sorts of people and with all types of things. We should not, however, resort to disrespect in any situation. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree!
